


It's All Numb

by Moonscar



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Numbness, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Angst, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Self-Harm, numb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 08:28:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonscar/pseuds/Moonscar
Summary: "It's all so numb"At these words, Tony glanced up from his mug of coffee, looking over at the teenager who'd just spoken. Peter didn't bother to look up at him as he took a sip from his hot chocolate, letting it burn his tongue before swallowing. Despite the amount of sugar poured into the drink, it tasted bitter. Bitter and lacking taste.He's used to that by now though.





	It's All Numb

"It's all so numb" 

At these words, Tony glanced up from his mug of coffee, looking over at the teenager who'd just spoken. Peter didn't bother to look up at him as he took a sip from his hot chocolate, letting it burn his tongue before swallowing. Despite the amount of sugar poured into the drink, it tasted bitter. Bitter and lacking taste.

He's used to that by now though.

There was a moment of silence, the silence slowly making the tension grow thicker in the kitchen. 

"What's numb?" Tony finally broke the silence, his eyes never leaving Peter's figure, as though he was trying to understand it all simply by looking at him, trying to examine him like he was another lab test or mechanism that needed to be broken down.

Peter didn't look up from his mug.

"Everything" Was his answer. He took another sip from his mug before placing it on the table, his hand shaking as he set the mug down "The only time I feel is when I'm in pain. Even though I can see my body, it just doesn't translate that it's there, you know? Sometimes I just... need to feel pain to know I can feel at all. Because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all" 

He let that information hang in the air for a while, not bothering to add anymore as he ignored Tony's prying, worried look. 

"Have you...?" Tony trailed off, eyes instantly flashing to the inside of Peter's arms. 

"... No, I haven't... I found out that burning helps out the most" 

"That isn't any better Pete..." 

And didn't that hurt? Because really, he never wanted to do it. But he just grew so scared, so tired of feeling _nothing_. 

He just wanted to _feel_

And he's scared, because he knows that eventually the burning won't be enough, knows that at some point the numbness is gonna grow stronger, and that he'll have to go to more extreme methods.

It scares him, so much.

And for the first time, he looked up. His bottom lip trembled as his shoulders lifted up. He clutched at the countertop, doing everything in his power to not break it. 

Then, he looked at Tony, truly looked at him for the first time in so long.

"I know that... I'm-" He took in a shaky breath, trying to gather up his barings, his lower lip trembling as he tried to hold back his sobs in an effort to not break down right then and there "I'm _scared_ Tony- It's getting worst, it's getting worse and I don't know how to handle it." He said, looking at Tony with pleading eyes, hoping he could translate to him how much he needed his help, how much he was suffering. Tony has always known what to do. But as he looked up at his father figure, he saw someone who looked just as lost as him.

And that fact seemed to crush him just as much as it did Peter.

Yet he still persisted.

Tony reached out to him from across the table, gripping at his hand and squeezing it gently in an effort to reassure him. Peter choked on a sob.

He couldn't feel it.

He couldn't _feel_ any of it.

"We're gonna fix this kid, okay? I don't know what's wrong now, but we'll figure it out- I'll figure it out" Tony tried to reassure, thumb gently stroking the back of Peter's hand. Only then did Tony realize all the small burns that adorned Peter's hand, some of them bubbling up while others were scabbed from the kid picking at that.

Is this really why Peter had taken up baking and cooking?

To harm himself?

To feel, even if it was in the form of pain?

"I'm gonna call up Bruce now, okay? I don't care if it's ass-o-clock, and he won't either... We'll start getting to work, okay? You'll be back to normal in no time"

Then, as Tony looked into Peter's teary gaze, he made a promise he wasn't so sure he would be able to keep.

"You're gonna be okay, you're gonna feel again'' 

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeeyyyy guys. For all of you wondering, yes I'm gonna continue writing the Chatroom Series, I've just been very busy this summer ^^; Even then though, I have been slacking off.
> 
> This is the shortest fic I've ever written (of which I've posted) and I really tried to make it longer, but it just didn't feel right.
> 
> Idk, I'm sad I didn't exceed my 1000 word minimum, but for someone returning from a pretty long break, it's o k.
> 
> I also always love reading comments! =D


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